Forgiveness is the key to healing and allowing yourself to move forward in life. And while most people find it relatively easier to forgive others, forgiving one’s own self is more challenging. It requires accountability, acceptance, and eventually forgiveness. And if you don’t find it as simple as it sounds, you are not alone. We all find it overwhelming to do it. Let me take you on a journey of forgiveness and healing.
Have you ever apologized to yourself? Do you think of some things and wish you had not done this to yourself? Let’s change the mindset.
In order to forgive yourself, you must identify what it is that you are blaming yourself. Do you think you could have done things differently? Stop thinking about the what-ifs. It is easier to look back and strategize and wish you had done something else in the situation. You have to accept that at that moment, you did your best. The forces of the world came together to turn things the way they turned out to be. There is only so much you could have controlled. It is okay. You did well. You learned your lesson. You move forward. That’s the process!
The goal is not just to forgive yourself but also to ensure that you do not repeat the things you regret later. Think about your behavior in the past events and identify what upsets you about it. For example, I regretted losing my composure in a recent meeting and realized my tone should have been calmer. I also regret not setting boundaries with some of my friends. So, I made a list of things I need to work on in the coming months. Instead of dwelling on things you cannot change, the conscious effort to change your behavior will give you hope, something to look forward to, instead of dwelling on things you cannot change.
Sometimes you have the privilege to make amends and seek forgiveness. You are super lucky if you can do that. Apologize to people you think you have hurt. Be genuine in your apologies and let them know that you regret doing it and wouldn’t want to do that again. Let that burden off your chest. But do not demand forgiveness. People may choose not to forget yet. Be open to all kinds of responses and do not react impulsively.
I understand if it sounds a little weird to you, but trust me, it works wonders. Writing down your feelings helps in encountering feelings you have been avoiding. When you write things down, your mind tries to make sense of them. That’s when you can get the answers to your hows and whys. Apologize to yourself for not making the smartest choices and promise yourself to do better next time. I wish you true healing and growth. Good luck!