Have you ever jumped out of bed in a fantastic mood and had the entire day go your way? How about the opposite? How you feel directly results from your state of mind. If you’re perpetually stressed and anxious, you will live in a depressed state–everything in your life will feel like it’s going awry. During times like this, you may feel you can’t do anything right, and your confidence will take a direct hit. If you consistently feel gratitude, love, and joy, you will live in an amazing, positive state in which nothing bothers you. You’ll move through your day with purpose, completing your tasks with enthusiasm and building self-confidence along the way.
How do we reach these very different states?
By giving in to our emotions. If you let them dictate how you feel without figuring out why you feel a particular way, your emotions will influence your actions. Over time, this affects how you feel and act every single day. If you’re fueled by a sense of well-being, you’ll exude happiness and calm. If you’re bogged down by negativity, those around you will sense your unhappiness and fear. How can you avoid the latter?
In actuality, you are completely in charge of how you feel, including whether you feel confident. Confidence is not something people are born with or have–it’s something you can create. It’s the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish what you set out to do. Confidence is like any other emotion. It is something you feel, and you can train yourself to access it in an instant.
WHAT’S YOUR PURPOSE
Why is building confidence important to you? Do you present at conventions where you interact with a huge number of people? Do you run a company or a team and need to present a strong sense of leadership? Maybe you’ve started dating and want to make a good impression when you meet a potential new love interest. The first step in building self-confidence is knowing why you want to achieve it.
Once you know your purpose, building confidence becomes a matter of retraining your brain. To accomplish your goal, you need to present yourself as a confident person. There is no other way to do it. Ignore the uncertainty that holds you back; Second-guessing yourself will open the door to hesitance, doubt, and fear. As you let go of negative thoughts that are holding you back, your body will take the cue it’s time to stand up straighter, stop fidgeting and present as the best version of yourself. Your mind and body begin a positive feedback loop, each part noticing the increasing confidence of the other and responding in kind.
CONSIDER YOUR QUESTIONS
What questions are you asking yourself? If the things that come to mind are, “How come I’m not successful?” “Am I not smart enough to reach my goal?” “Do other people see me as a failure?” then you are setting yourself up for failure.Shift the pattern of your thoughts and ask yourself things like, “Why shouldn’t I accomplish everything I set my mind to?” and “Why would I waste time on my anxieties instead of focusing on my strengths?” When you ask a better question, you get a better answer. As Tony Robbins says, “Whatever you hold in your mind consistently is exactly what you will experience in your life.” If you go into a situation knowing that you can handle it—whatever it is–then that’s exactly what you’ll do. By assessing your limiting thoughts and beliefs and shifting your pattern of thought, you can more easily gain confidence. If you ask negative, limiting questions when it’s time to be confident, stop yourself. Think something positive about yourself instead and begin focusing on all the reasons you’ll succeed instead of why you’ll fail.
WHAT EXCITES YOU?
There’s one incredible trick that will help you figure out how to build confidence even when you’re at your absolute lowest: Thinking about something you’re proud of. When you’re feeling unsure of yourself, remember a recent accomplishment. Maybe you did something incredible at work, or you recently helped a family member. It can be as simple as helping someone lift a box or as intricate as solving a complex problem on an important project. Whatever it is, it’s something you did, and no one else. That’s worth celebrating. Recognizing this accomplishment and your ability to do it will instantly elevate your mood and allow you to channel some incredible self-confidence.
Once that happens, your mind thinks in positive terms, not negative ones. If you gave an incredible presentation to your company last year, why wouldn’t you be able to complete your next project by the allotted deadline? If you’re the same person who ran your son’s baseball team while getting promoted to vice president in the same year, what’s holding you back from achieving this new goal, whatever it may be? Channeling moments of pride can help you see the big picture, ultimately allowing you to become more confident.
As you practice tapping into confidence more frequently and believe in your own abilities, you’ll be able to access those feelings of well-being and pride faster and more often. You are in charge of your emotions and can use them to shape your life however you choose. Decide today that you will be a more confident, positive version of yourself, and you’ll have no other option than to succeed.